Monday, September 29, 2014

Fall, and Everything Changes

Abandoned.  I know it has been some time since my last post.  So much has been in chaos here.  After many long months in slow decline, my mother let go of this life and passed on to the next, on August 30th.  She let go peacefully and in the serenity that has followed, I am in infinite Peace.  This is a wonderful gift.  And as the leaves fall off the trees, I feel the bareness left behind ...a vacuum that needs to be filled.  I feel an urgency to fill up the bare spaces that have been left in my life, and yet, at the same time, I want to luxuriate in the gentleness of the calm place.  Within it there is a harmonious softness that I have not experienced in a very long time.  In spite of life trying to press in on and pierce my little bubble of calm and balance, I am holding on and allowing it to create an indelible imprint on my spirit.

A dream I have been holding onto ever since the madness of Alzheimer's came into our lives 6 years ago, was to spend about two weeks up in the mountains of Pennsylvania.  It is a place hidden away from everything.  I have always found it to be a place of regeneration and healing, as well as inspiration.  The Great Creator smiled on me, and my mother passed over just days before I was scheduled to make a shorter trip there on family business.  Changing arrangements, I was able to spend those two weeks there, and along with my sister, we were able to lay my mother and father to rest together.  For many years they had talked about being scattered on the family property, and that is what we did.

My sister had an idea to create a place that would be totally natural and would have a little permanence to it.  The perfect spot was an ancient apple tree over 100 years old that was almost completely hollow at it's base and yet bears fruit abundantly.  It has fed many generations of deer and given a thrill of enjoyment to generations of relatives who have spent hours on a porch swing of a cabin on the other side of the field (looking for deer).  We carried stones up from the creek, and Melanie went to work.  I mostly stayed out of her way.  ...Who am I to interfere with creative genius?  After a few hours, she had created this lovely little rock garden where ashes were laid to rest.  We placed apples all around.  The following day we returned and all the apples had been eaten.  The deer had been to pay their respect.  A garter snake had taken up residence along with a millipede. 

You are the stones, you are the trees, you are the fireflies, you are the breeze. You did not die, you did not leave, your spirit thrives, I need not grieve. ―Melanie Renn