Sunday, September 27, 2009

Finding myself

Well, for starters, finding myself is not as easy as it might seem it should be. After all, I have a lot of years of expectation dust to clear off. Someone should invent a spiritual vacuum cleaner that will do it all in a flash. That would be easy. It has occurred to me that once one finds oneself, then the work of staying found begins. Just like cleaning house, the house will not stay clean unless there is constant concentrated effort to keep it clean. ...And isn't it much more fun to just play all the time? ...And wouldn't it be great if life was always kind and people were always kind and did the right things and took care of their own business? ...And wouldn't it be great if we were raised up to be knowing who we are instead of some version of what our cultural surround wants us to be?

It seems to me that the more I look for myself, the more I see I am lost. So, looking back to the last post, where I suggested that the process is a little easier if we focus on what things we like and enjoy doing, I have been finding more of myself in this action. So, actually, I have moved the second question: "What do I love to do and couldn't do without?" up to first place. My list looks something like this:
  • I love knitting, beading, sewing?, making jewelry, …being artistic!
  • I love being impulsive and in the moment.
  • I love teaching to a big group.
  • I love my acupressure and hypnosis career.
  • I love my home.
  • I love my husband.
Now, I said "something like this" because it has changed a few times. My first list had loving the hubby in second place. After a few days, however, I realized that this really didn't define who I am, and the focus has been shifting to those self-defining loves. In many ways, loving my husband does define who I am, and so it remains on the list, but as this is dependent on a changing, growing, renewing partnership, it is not who I am. The first on the list is very important. Being creative especially defines who I feel I am. I am currently focusing on increasing my creativity, looking for new ways of doing things, creating something new and wonderful, even if it is not so in anyone else's opinion. At one time in my life, I was much more free to explore my creativiyt. Now, I have boundaries of family needs, financial needs, etc. So, I make it a point to set aside time for myself. That's important!

In order to fuel creativity, it is essential to just do it, and forgo all judgmental criticism. Why? ...Because criticism puts on the brakes. Creativity comes in a flow, in the flash of the moment, and if you stop the flow, it's gone and more reluctant to flow the next time.

My latest efforts are getting ready for a holiday boutique. After 5 1/2 years of knitting, I have a laundry basket full of creations that need a home. I have also been toying with setting up an etsy store. It isn't nearly ready to go active, but I do hope to have it up in time to send off some special creations to someone who will adore having them.

My on the needles project? ...A joyful scarf in holiday colors that will send the message that whoever wears it is a merry person.

1 comment:

  1. Very profound message in this post, food for more thought.

    A truly wonderful friend of mine, whose life almost mirrored mine as far as events went, said to me once as I was almost dispaired with the care burdens at that time:
    "First you have to make it right for yourself. And then you have the strength and joy to make it right for others."
    There is more than one grain of truth in this.